I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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