hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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