My nipple is on Facebook.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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