You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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