Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
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Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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