Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize