didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
