What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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