Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
