no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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