You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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