I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
