Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
