No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
