Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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