Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm always down for nudity.
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