i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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