Pants 0. Shit 1.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
