Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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