Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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