I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
