woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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