Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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