I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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