I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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