Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
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i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
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Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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