Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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