I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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