I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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