Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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