you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
