tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
