Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Mom said you looked used
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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