I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
