i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
