yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i dont even know how to be here
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
