what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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