Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
