Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
