You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
