After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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