walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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