Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
