My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
