I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
