Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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