He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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