Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just puked most of my soul out..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
