Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
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We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
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CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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