Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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