the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
