I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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