my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
