I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
sarcasm needs its own font
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
