Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
