You really coming over, don't trick.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
