She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
