i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
