Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
