I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
