That's intense
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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