plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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