She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
