dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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