I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
