Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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