I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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