I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
