Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
